I guess it wasn't.
I thought I had it made, since I followed the three-act structure Hollywood apparently doesn't want to deviate from (even if the slightest)... unless, of course, you're an established writer... Then you can violate every rule in the book and no one will call you on it...
Apparently the readers who do coverage for the Tracking Board have read for the following studios:
So... I guess they know what they are talking about.
And I guess it was naive of me to think that, just because I followed the three-act structure, that my script was bulletproof.
However, I don't know if it was worth the reaming they gave it.
I mean, I got a "PASS" on both myself (as a writer... even though they admitted that the writing was good and that the descriptions were "borderline novelistic"... which is not a real word) and on the script.
They listed the story, structure/pacing, dialog, writing style, title, characterization and set up (the first 15 pages) as "SO-SO".
However, they list my "commercial appeal" and "visual elements" as "GOOD"... (higher up on the chart is "EXCELLENT" and "VERY GOOD").
I honestly don't know who you have to sleep with to get those last two grades.
Anyhow... their synopsis of my script is terrible. The writing is poor, there were grammar mistakes (!)... which, for $150, there should not be any grammar mistakes, man!... And they retold the events of the script out of sync... So... that doesn't give me a ton of confidence in these guys.
They said that if I had any questions regarding my coverage, that I should contact them.
Yeah, I have a feeling that if I contact them and point out their mistakes, none of my scripts will ever make it past "SO-SO" in the future.
And, as always with people in Hollywood, there was some contradictory stuff in there.
They list the writing style as "SO-SO", but then tell me that my descriptions are "borderline novelistic"(?).
Then they suggest that I add more high school characters to the mix for more "opportunities for fight/death scenes which will add to the terror of the piece"...
I have a feeling that, if I take that suggestion to heart, they would come back and say that the narrative was too cluttered and that I needed to tighten the focus on my central characters.
They then go on to chastise me for taking too much time with the characters in their home lives (but I remind you that they are teenagers and teenagers put up fronts and pretend... most teens only show their real face when they are at home). Anyhow, they suggested, "A lot of the family montage could be shortened or taken out completely in order to make room for more scares and thrills".
*Sigh*
Again, I have a feeling that, if I do that, the next round of coverage will say,
"We don't get to know these characters... There's too many jumps scares, gore and violence and none of it means anything if we don't know or care about these characters."
See my problem?
I can't win.
They then, finally, chide me on how the first act drags. They say, "slow burns are great, but be sure there is something in those first 10 pages that really grabs the reader and keeps them hooked".
My rebuttal is... Well... What about Psycho, Alien and The Exorcist? You had to wait a good hour for anything remotely horrific to happen in any of those movies (all of which have won awards, made unholy amounts of money and have spawned franchises).
They also call one of my supporting characters (Timbo Bishop, a priest based off one of my real life friends) "such a fun character" and yet they rate my supporting characters as "NOT GOOD".
Huh...
They suggest that I add more suspense and obstacles to the final battle. They say that my choice of location (a cave) is great, but that I don't explore its potential. They ask if the kids could all run in different directions and get lost. They also ask if they could try and take down the mountain (yes, you read that right). They then go on to admit, "these are all just bad first examples"... THEN WHY ARE YOU INCLUDING THEM IN THE COVERAGE I PAID $150 FOR...????!!!!! GIVE ME SOME GOOD EXAMPLES... YOU READ FOR CAA, RIGHT??? THEN ACT LIKE IT!!!!!!!
Also, I tried keeping the final battle scaled down somewhat because, well, I got a lot of negative push back at PitchFest regarding Flatdog because the budget was too high.
I am trying to keep Personal Demons a more quiet affair so that the damn thing (pun intended) can actually get made... I'll save the huge fights and gratuitous finales for the sequels.
I dunno.
They had some good advice as well. And, trust me, I'll be retooling some things (based off their suggestions) as I head into my next draft (which I will configure before I begin submitting queries for it), but a part of me is pretty disenchanted by this whole experience... not just because I was rejected (sure, that hurts too, especially with something I thought was so infallible), but because a lot of their comments just seem misguided and contradictory.
But that's Hollyweird... Here I come.
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