Bloody Mirror Feedback Rebuttal

  

Title: Personal Demons

Writer: Erik D. Harshman

Evaluation By: LSN Selection Committee

Status: Private Jury Feedback 

(Note how they don't reveal who my readers / critics are... I'd be a lot more inclined to listen to these fools if they had even a modicum of industry experience to their name... the fact that they don't reveal who they are makes me question everything they say). 

 

Brief Overview & Reasons for Non-Selection

 

PERSONAL DEMONS is an ambitious, small-town horror script focusing on the "Blackhand

High Horror Club,

" a group of outcast teenagers who take it upon themselves to hunt and kill a literal demon after it murders one of their own. Drawing heavily from 1980s teen-centric horror and adventure films, the narrative attempts to blend the coming-of-age struggles of misfit teens with a high-stakes supernatural battle.

While the script has a strong, nostalgic premise and clearly exhibits the writer's deep affection for the horror genre (evidenced by the extensive cinematic and literary references), it was not selected for our finalist round due to issues with tonal consistency, pacing, and dialogue. The transition between the realistic teenage angst (strict parents, moving away, religious differences) and the hyper-stylized, over-the-top demon hunting sequences often feels jarring rather than cohesive. Furthermore, the dialogue frequently leans into exposition and heavy-handed genre quoting, which undercuts the natural voices of the teenage protagonists and slows the narrative momentum.

 

My Rebuttal: This is the first anyone (across many film fests, agents, etc.) has said anything about “tonal consistency”.

Furthermore, the demon hunting in the script is not “hyper stylized”. I don’t know what script they were reading, but it wasn’t mine. All of the demon hunting is extremely grounded in reality (as much as demon hunting can be). Inf act, I wrote this script in 2015 after attending my first pitchfest and having every producer and agent tell me that they were looking for “grounded horror”.

And, finally, there is hardly any exposition in the script. I defy anyone to highlight more than one or two instances. And given that most big Hollywood movies (in recent memory, I’ll point out 2017’s Alien: Covenant) are full of exposition and info dumps, well, I don’t see one or two instances being a problem. As for the “heavy handed genre quoting”? There are two lines. One stolen from Ghostbusters (which was meant as nothing more than character development, to show that these kids were raised on the same pop culture that most kids are raised on) and the other (from Predator 2) I task anyone with identifying that line. Besides, how many movies (like 2025’s I Know What You Did Last Summer and 2024’s Alien; Romulus) are full of call-back lines inserted in for nothing more than to trigger & stir nostalgia in the viewers. And it one more person tells me that these characters don’t act and speak like natural teenagers I am going to throat-punch them. I spend 7 hours a day, 7 days a week, ten months out of the year with teenagers. If anyone knows how they act and speak, it’s me. I would like to question anyone who issues that criticism of my script to tell me what teenagers they are observing. More than likely it is their younger siblings, nephews/nieces, etc. and, thus, they have a biased and skewered view of these individuals.

 

 

Highlights & Strengths

A Fun, Nostalgic Premise: The core concept, a high school "Horror Club" using their encyclopedic knowledge of horror movies and literature to combat a real-world threat, is fantastic and highly marketable. It evokes a strong Stranger Things or The Lost Boys vibe that genre fans would inherently appreciate.

The "Timbo" Character: The inclusion of Timothy "Timbo" Bishop, the young, Ozzy Osbourne-loving priest, is a highly original and entertaining twist on the standard clerical archetype in horror films. His intervention at the climax is one of the script's most memorable and enjoyable moments.

Visceral Action Sequences: The writer does not shy away from brutality. The action sequences, particularly the climax in the cave involving chainsaws, holy water balloons, and iron spikes, are inventive and visually engaging.

 

My Rebuttal: I wrote this a year before Stranger Things came out and I hate The Lost Boys. I’m not even sure I’ve seen Lost Boys from start to finish in its entirety.

 

 

Constructive Observations

Tonal Imbalance: The script struggles to find a consistent tone. It oscillates between serious, grief-stricken drama (the funeral, the parents threatening to send their kids away) and cartoonish action (the teens rigging a Little Rascals-style bucket trap in an alleyway; the demon casually eating a rib cage like a human). Committing fully to either a dark, grounded thriller or a heightened, self-aware horror-comedy would strengthen the overall impact. Refining the Dialogue: The teenage characters often speak in paragraphs of exposition or rely too heavily on reciting horror trivia rather than communicating organically.

Streamlining the dialogue to sound more like authentic teenagers, and allowing their actions to demonstrate their horror knowledge rather than constantly stating it, would make them much more relatable.

 

My Rebuttal: Their comments of “cartoonish action (the teens rigging a Little Rascals-style bucket trap in an alleyway; the demon casually eating a rib cage like a human)” is just insulting. Again, no one (from agents, to other festival and screenplay competition judges) have noted anything along those lines. 

“Committing fully to either a dark, grounded thriller or a heightened, self-aware horror-comedy would strengthen the overall impact”… yeah, I do commit to one tone. It is dark and grounded. It is not self-aware at all. It is not meta. The teenagers simply realize that something they’ve read about, seen, played in video games and heard about in heavy metal has finally shown itself to be a reality. That’s about as self-aware as it gets, all of which I handle in a grounded tone. If the script is funny at all, it is because people (kids, especially, as they are completely trying to figure life out as it comes as them, full-speed, and trying to figure themselves out in the process) can be funny and ridiculous. These kids are thrown into a situation they can’t possibly comprehend on their own (without all the theological and pop culture references to help them make sense of it all). That is the grounded tone and approach.

Closing Thoughts

PERSONAL DEMONS is a heartfelt love letter to the horror genre with a highly appealing core concept. We commend Erik D. Harshman for his ambition and his clear passion for the subject matter. With a rewrite focused on unifying the tone, polishing the dialogue for authenticity, and grounding the supernatural mythology, this script has the potential to be a highly entertaining and commercially viable teen-horror feature.

 

My Rebuttal: “Unifying the tone”, I’ve already addressed this. This is a matter of perception and aesthetic. Theirs is incorrect.

“Polishing the dialogue for authenticity”… seriously, I’d love to hear the advice these idiots would give me on this topic. Unless they are going to spend as time with teenagers as I have, they have no ground to stand on.  

“and grounding the supernatural mythology”… my mythology is sound. No one has ever said anything to the contrary… and that seems like a big complaint that would have come up in Personal Demons’ multiple festival wins by now.

 

 

How We Can Support PERSONAL DEMONS:

Refine Positioning & Pitch Assets: We help adjust your script's positioning for maximum

industry appeal. For PERSONAL DEMONS, we would suggest framing the narrative around

"Nostalgic Teen Horror/Adventure" (similar to Stranger Things or Summer of 84),

highlighting the "Horror Club" premise as your primary hook. We also help you optimize

your essential pitch materials, including your logline, synopsis, and a professional Pitch

Deck / EPK.

Video Pitch Development: We guide you in crafting and producing a highly effective Video

Pitch. This allows you to visually and emotionally sell the tone, pacing, and commercial

viability of your script to producers who may not have time to read 100 pages right away.

Targeted Festival Strategy: We create a customized roadmap for your script, identifying

20-30 targeted screenplay competitions and genre festivals that specifically champion dark

thrillers and twist-driven narratives, saving you budget on unnecessary submission fees.

Targeted Pitch & Sales Strategy: We analyze your script’s scope, budget, and genre to build

a curated list of 20-30 targeted buyers, production companies, and industry executives

who are actively seeking this specific type of material.

Full Representation & Direct Pitching: We act as your representative, packaging your

project and pitching it directly to our established network of producers, buyers, and

acquisition executives on your behalf.

If you'd like to explore any of these options, just reply to this email.

 

With respect and admiration,

— The LSN Team

 

My Rebuttal: Ah… and there it is! All that criticism was just a set-up/lead-in to offering me their “script doctor” services. Gotcha. Yeah, how much do you want to bet that, even if I paid their, no doubt exorbitant, fees and fixed everything they told me was “wrong” about Personal Demons magically someone  (another writer who doesn't exist) else’s script would be “better” and would win their no-name competition… if anyone ever wins period. This whole thing reeks of a scam / swindle. It is because of shysters like these that I rarely trust or respect the coverage I receive. 

 

Note: Sometimes I wonder (fear) that I do not take criticism well. I know I take it too personally, if nothing else.

I also sometimes wonder if my rebuttal to the criticism I receive isn’t valid. Insecurities then creep in and I question my talent as a writer and the marketability of my work.

But if my rebuttals were invalid, how then am I able to synthesize them so quickly in response?

Regardless, I have to constantly remind myself that: 1.) feedback/coverage from pitchfests and film fests are just that… and not rejections directly from an agent, producer or studio. 2.) Criticism, like anything else, is largely subjective and is guided by the critic’s personal aesthetic, preferences and what they (sometimes pretentiously, sometime accurately) believe to be industry-standard information. 3.) As it pertains to Personal Demons, that screenplay has had more wins than losses, so any criticism I receive, I take with a truckload of salt.

 

Paddy Poe Library Candle... Discontinued!

 Well, I went to the Paddywax website, to the "Library" section of their online inventory... and saw only Charlotte Bronte (ugh!), Jane Austen (snooze!), Charles Dickens (untouchable) and Fredrick Douglas (also untouchable... though his candle deserves more than a tiny tin!).

I then wrote them:

" Dear Paddywax,Did you do away with the Edgar Allan Poe Library candle?Or is it coming back?Please advise... I've written with that thing burning beside me for decades!Sincerely,EDH"

This is what they sent back:

"Hello, Thanks for reaching out! Unfortunately, this item has been discontinued; however, our development team is always reviewing or revisiting discontinued items. I will let them know you'd love to have this one back and they will review on their next development cycle. We apologize for this inconvenience! Have a great day! CS Sean from Paddywax" I am devastated!  My cousin (Amanda) got me my first Poe Paddywax candle for Christmas many, many years ago and I have since bought uncountable more. They are essential to my writing!  I love having them sit by my Qwerkywriter and occasionally smelling them when cranking out a new horror story/screenplay (I'd put "novel" on there, but I haven't written a horror novel in forever). Regardless, there are still options: the Quoth the Raven candle from Seawitch Botanicals (though not at all the same). There's an Etsy shop (man, I love that website) called TheMysticCrow that has a Poe candle that looks like it could fit the bill. And a whole bunch of other shops are selling candles, titled with some variation of "The Raven"... "Nevermore", etc. But all of them have fruity smells. Sorry, but there is nothing light, airy, whimsical or fruity about Poe's work. Poe's work (while intermittently romantic) is about the macabre, murder, madness and death (and everything that comes after it: mourning, depression, sorrow, longing, painful reminiscence).  But the one I found that most perfectly encapsulates the scents associated with Poe is probably this one.  ... The things I go through in order to get olfactory inspiration.

 

New Horror Screenplay Competition

 Well, I literally just found out about this competition after reading an article on Bloody Disgusting (because their editor in chief is one of the judges). 

However, the big appeal for me is that one of the judges is Barbara Crampton... one of my favorite actresses of all time!

Enclosed is a Re-Animator reunion group photo from Flashback Weekend 2025.

And, well, Bloody Disgusting is where I've gotten all my horror news since 2017, so this just seems like an appropriate fit.

Mind you, I thought this a few years ago when I submitted Personal Demons to the Days of the Dead (a horror con I've been to 10 times, more than any other con, since 2019) and I only got an "honorable mention"... and I'm probably setting myself up for disappointment here, but... it's only $45 and I can go to sleep each night knowing the Barbara Crampton has read something of mine. 

 

 

Tonight's Writing

 Well, tonight I tried finishing a short horror story I started last summer.

I started out writing in my Hemingway tribute shirt... but felt Hem was just a little too "less is more". So I switched to my red-with-yellow-lettering "Clive Barker Rules" shirt (that, suspiciously, didn't fit as well as it did two years ago and had me squirming and adjusting the whole time I was writing). I bought it off Etsy in 2024 and wore it to a horror con (Days of the Dead in Chicago in March 2024) where I actually got to meet Barker and (most of) the cast of Hellraiser. 

This story I am writing (called "In the Barn") is more along the lines of Barker (specifically, Hellbound Heart and some of the Books of Blood stories). 

I burned my Dark Academia candle (also bought off Etsy).

Honestly, I wrote tonight with self-doubt in my mind. I remembered all the critical and cruel things said to me by self-important magazine editors who had refused my stories in the past. I thought most of the lines I wrote tonight to be either too standard (for someone who's been writing as long as I have) or overwritten (bordering on the melodramatic and ridiculous).

I think I managed to eek out a few good lines, but it reaffirms a theory I have: sometimes the inspiration isn't there and, well, maybe you just shouldn't write! Take the night off! But with previous little time over summer break, I feel compelled to write whenever I have time (meaning, no other prior engagements) in order to make up for lost writing time during the school year.

Tomorrow I have plans with an old friend of mine... before the night's festivities begin, I plan to give this story another go. I only have about 3-5 more pages before it's time to close the curtain on this story. 

 

   

 

First Writing of Summer

 I have just completed my first writing of the summer.

I officially went on summer break on May 26th.

It has taken me over a week to get some words on the page.

I'm not as disappointed in that as I sound.

I needed some R&R.

Some time at the gym, etc.

But now that I've got words on the page, I cannot stop.

This summer I hope to:

1.) Finish two short horror stories (one I began last summer, the other I began in 2014!).

2.) Revised a screenplay I wrote in 2004!

3.) Write a new screenplay.

4.) Write one (possibly two) David Kemp stories.

And what did I write tonight?

I outlined ideas that have lived in my head (rent free) for years for Personal Demons 4.

I haven't even written Personal Demons 3 yet.

I have it all outlined (twice... I wrote an outline for it in (probably) 2021 or so... then forgot that I wrote it and wrote a new outline in 2022 or 2023) and it is ready to be written... I am perhaps just too intimidated by it. It is the end of my (as yet unproduced) trilogy. It is so epic (in my mind) and means so much to me that I can't just write (willy nilly)... I have to be in the mindset and laser focused on it.

Perhaps next summer.  

Undeserving Fools

 Just read this review on Bloody Disgusting.

One line stuck out for me: "Joe Leone – this is Leone’s thirteenth produced script since 2017, a feat that grows less impressive if you actually watch those other movies."

Here is his IMDB page.

Apparently, it took 5 people (3 for story, 2 for screenwriting) to write Chum.

Incredible.  

Aside from some horror franchise (that I've never heard of... and that's saying something) called Parched (good title... I'll given 'em that) his writing credits is like a litany of trash.

Plus, it looks like he's writing a fourth Urban Legend movie (that no one was asking for).  

So, just to clarify, my original screenplay Personal Demons (which has won, or placed in, just about every film fest and screenplay competition I've submitted it to) has not been produced, by this lucky fool has everything he's ever scrawled on a Denny's placemat made into a movie.

Gotcha.  

 

A "New Generation" of Filmmakers

I keep reading ad nauseam on Bloody Disgusting (BD) about this "new generation" of filmmakers (BD head John Squires has used that phrase at least twice in the last week, that I can recall). 

 They're really selling this moniker and beating a dead horse with reminding us that this is now a thing.

Specifically, they are pointing to: 

Curry Barker and his movie Obsession.

Kane Parsons and his feature expansion of his YouTube series Backrooms.

And Mark Edward Fischbach (Markiplier) and his indie video game adaption Iron Lung. 

I have mixed thoughts on this phenomenon, but first let me explain my thoughts on each of the films listed above.

Iron Lung I bought tickets for last year (before Christmas) just based on the fact that it was an indie horror film with a limited release. I also knew, vaguely, that it was an adaptation of an indie video game. I guess I'd read about the game on BD because it has been on my Steam wish list forever. Anyhow, I heard my students talking about it, which surprised me, but shouldn't have (they are all really big fans of the Terrifier franchise... a franchise I have zero interest in). 

Regardless, I went to see Iron Lung at a local Marcus Theater that gets all the limited release and indie horror. It was a 10pm showing and it was in early January, the dead of winter (it was probably 5 degrees outside... my favorite weather). The theater was packed. I took it as a good sign that an indie horror film, based on an indie game, was drawing such crowds at 10pm on a wintry Friday night. Now, as for my take on the movie: for the most part it was brilliant. It was a bit of a slow burn (meaning a slog) to get through some of the running time, but the end was pretty awesome. 

When I heard my students talking about it later, I overheard them saying that Markiplier is a YouTuber. At first, I found this disappointing. But then my students told me all about his philanthropy and charitable giving. And, perhaps this is biased of me, but I also found out about his German heritage that endeared me to him immensely.

Now onto Obsession. Like most people, I was intrigued by the mysterious trailers shown before just about every single theatrical horror film. However, I totally called the "twist" (that the protagonist's wish would turn murderous). And, at the end of the day, it's the old "Monkey's Paw" story. 

What I loved about the film was the performances and what the director did with lighting, shadows and imagery. 

What I didn't love about the film was that the mythology wasn't consistent (or even logical... in terms of the diegesis of the film). There were lots of ideas that were left on the table and underdeveloped and that, I feel, weakened the film. 

Backrooms I have not seen yet, but I am seeing it next week at my local drive-in on a double feature with, coincidentally enough, Obsession.

I also want to point out that another, and perhaps the first that I saw, movie from an "influencer" was Talk to Me by Danny and Michael Philippou.

I hated that movie.

I won't go into my detailed reason why, but I have no desire to re-watch and re-assess that movie and I am appalled (but not surprised) that it is getting a sequel. The  Philippou's follow up movie (Bring Her Back) was, for me, slightly better, but still largely unoriginal, predictable and forgettable.

So, how do I feel about this new generation of filmmakers getting their start on YouTube?

As a general rule, I loathe social media. At first it was a free and easy way for me to keep friends (both stateside and abroad) abreast of my day-to-day life so that I didn't have to waste time on inconsequential details during phone conversations. I could keep intimate one-on-one calls to extremely personalized matters that I did not want to post for the world to read. 

However, social media has become a toxic playground for trolls, "influencers" (who mostly profit off the gullibility of those who follow them) and oligarchs seeking to disseminate misinformation  and hateful propaganda. 

I maintain social media account, honestly, mostly for movie, video game and music news. That's it. 

YouTube is a bit of a mixed bag for me. On the one hand, I hate that this new generation is addicted to ridiculous, nonsensical videos post on there (though TikTok is worse, in my humble opinion). On the other hand, I've received a lot of help playing video games and just generally finding life hacks and information on YouTube, so I can't dis it that harshly.

Bottom line: if this is the new generation of filmmakers (self-taught kids getting their start on YouTube) then there is literally nothing I can do about it (whether I love it or hate it).

And, in all honesty, I guess I haven't decided on which side of the fence I stand. 

On the one hand, these YouTube filmmakers are not that much different from the underground directors I loved in high school; the guys shooting movies on VHS and self-distributing their movies. I learned about these guys through a segment in the back of Fangoria called "Notes from the Underground". It was through them that I learned about local St. Louis filmmaker Eric Stanze (Savage Harvbest), J.R. Bookwalter (Ozone, The Dead Next Door), Kevin J. Lindenmuth (Vampires and Other Stereotypes) and the amazing Leif Jonker (Darkness). 

I guess I just give the above (underground) filmmakers a bit more credence, because they directed feature-length films and did everything guerilla-style (practical FX, using locations either illegally or through favors from friends, maxing out their credit cards to have a budget, etc.), whereas these YouTube guys typically have made shorts and had almost immediate dissemination through a digital pathway. Now, I shouldn't diminish the accomplishments of these YouTube filmmakers just because they had it easier (free, fast and digital distribution) than the filmmakers I grew up with (who had to film, edit, duplicate and distribute on VHS, then create box art and self-distribute it either through word-of-mouth, the (then) limited reach of the Internet or through printed resources like Fangoria). But it does seem like the filmmakers I grew up with had more grit than these youngsters today. 

I don't know. 

Regardless, the success of this new wave of YouTube filmmakers reinforces what my students have told me about the future of filmmaking: you need a social media presence and you have to go  viral for anyone in show business to even look your way or consider what you're doing to be valid.

I've been trying to go in the front door (via the reception desk) of Hollywood for over a decade now, and it's just not working. About two years ago, two of my students offered to film and edit a TikTok for me wherein I could promote my screenplays. I should have jumped on that idea when it was presented to me. I guess at this point, with a TikTok viral campaign in mind, I need to plan my next move.

This is the future, I suppose.

 Join the current, or stay on shore. 

I'm still going to submit my scripts to film festivals.

And still (perhaps) send out a query letter or two.

I'm on the fence about pitchfests. It seems like the more of them I do, the more I think they are scams, or that the "VIPs" that attend them are just sleepwalking through a financial agreement and are not really serious about finding any truly promising prospects.

A lot to think about here.

Off I go to ponder the possibilities.