Slamdance feedback

So... I got my first correspondence from Slamdance since submitting to them a few months ago.

Below is their message to me.

Below that is my rebuttal to, well, everything... I'd like to think that I have thick skin... but I don't... no writer really does. When someone has something to say about our creative output (however legitimate) we balk and bristle.

But here it is...

"Hello dear writer,

 

Below is your feedback for the 2018 Slamdance Screenplay Competition. Every entrant receives a few lines of feedback from the first reader to review their work. The feedback includes a logline, genre suggestion and several sentences outlining strengths and weaknesses of your screenplay. Yes, we know it’s short!

You can opt in for our Coverage service, which is a full in-depth analysis of your work, and is available for an additional fee. Check out our website for more information: http://showcase.slamdance.com/Screenplay-Competition

This feedback is not an indication of how well your script is doing in our competition!  We will not make those decisions until we prepare to announce our finalists in September/October 2018. Stay tuned!

If you have any questions, please email: submissions@slamdance.com.

TITLE OF SCREENPLAY: Personal Demons

TRACKING ID#: 18-3120-HO

GENRE: Supernatural Horror

LOGLINE: A band of young outliers bond over their love of genre to combat a demon hiding out near their home in the Rocky Mountains

SHORT FEEDBACK: Let's begin with the fact that this is an efficient script. It generally hits its beats and moves along accordingly. However, as efficient as this may be, I personally found it to be extremely familiar and ultimately inert because of it. When playing in time-honored and tested tropes I'd like to ask about why you personally as a storyteller love them and how you will in turn subvert them into your own... always the trickiest ingredient to nail, especially when working in horror. Our band of geeks here can operate as archetypes, sure, but there needs to be soul at their core, and right now these kids feel like vague memories of other movie characters rather than say kids you knew growing up, or the kid you were. I'd advise working from that intuitive space first and foremost so that you can find that authentic feeling in the horror. It's easy in this day and age of Stranger Things and the IT revival to just run along the same path. It's important to remember that IT was successful because King is an established brand while Stranger Things is well cast. Seeing as how you are at the writing stage, and not casting, dig in and make this your own. I really loved scouring comics and books and movies to figure out what to do about the demon, but felt that didn't get enough of a focus. While, one could argue that is leaning into nostalgia, I'd argue it's the kids using what they know to better understand and relate to the world. If any of this resonates with you, cool. Regardless, good luck on the next draft.

Thank you for submitting your script to Slamdance!

Best,

Slamdance Submissions Team

 

Submissions Team
Slamdance
5634 Melrose Avenue
Los Angeles, CA 90038
323 466 1786
323 466 1784 fax"

Okay... My rebuttal:

1.) Their comment about it being a "efficient script" that "hits its beats"... I guess that's a testament to my finally using Hollywood's 3-act structure. It's sad that I had to conform to Hollywood's (apparently) ironclad rules (at least they're rules for beginning screenwriters... after you're established you can do whatever you want and not get dinged for it) to get them to say that my script is "efficient" and "moves along"... but it's also sad that, apparently, that's not enough for Hollywood.

2.)  "familiar and ultimately inert"... Well, I'm glad he said, "I personally", because otherwise this would be pretty insulted. Sorry, but pick for me your most original and creative script that you submitted to the Slamdance film festival this year and I'll show you at least ten movies just like it!

3.)  "When playing in time-honored and tested tropes I'd like to ask about why you personally as a storyteller love them and how you will in turn subvert them into your own... always the trickiest ingredient to nail, especially when working in horror." 

Well, I kinda I established why I was working in these "time-honored and tested tropes" (by the way, horrible alliteration there) and "why [I] personally as a storyteller love them" by how much love I show for them (when my group of protagonists are preparing to hunt the demon and are pouring over horror comic books, video games, books, movies and death metal) and by the fact that I paid a considerable amount of tribute to the movies I grew up with that inspired this script (references are peppered throughout the script...).

4.) "Our band of geeks here can operate as archetypes, sure, but there needs to be soul at their core, and right now these kids feel like vague memories of other movie characters rather than say kids you knew growing up, or the kid you were."

Well, first, it's funny because these character actually are based off of myself and off of kids I grew up with and students I currently teach.

As for them feeling like vague memories of other movie characters, well, all I can say for that is: just about every character in film now-a-days feel familiar. Sorry, but not every movie can have a Forest Gump... A Raymond Babbitt...   A Wiezle (Pauly Shore, you know... my role model).

And, sorry, but if there are not somewhat familiar characters, especially in a movie mostly for teens (though clearly aimed at a rated-R rating) who can the audience relate to?

I guess this offends me because these characters are me... my friends growing up... my friends now... and my students (past, present and future)...  And to be told that, on the page, we "have no soul" is a bit insulting.

5.) "I'd advise working from that intuitive space first and foremost so that you can find that authentic feeling in the horror."

... Huh?

6.)  "It's easy in this day and age of Stranger Things and the IT revival to just run along the same path. It's important to remember that IT was successful because King is an established brand while Stranger Things is well cast. Seeing as how you are at the writing stage, and not casting, dig in and make this your own."

Ah... well... I thought I kinda did make this my own (and in the very next sentence the guy tells me how he liked one of my little original touches).

But basically he's telling me that It and Stranger Things worked because of factors that had nothing to do with the content or material.
So... what is he saying here?

Also, I should also mention that I wrote this script in the summer of 2015... before either the re-adaptation of It or Stranger Things hit the marketplace. Now, don't get me wrong: I'm banking on the fact that both are so hot right now that my script will ride their coattails into production (or at least being purchased by a major studio... or even an indie studio, like Dark Sky Films). But I hate how, because something just came out and is hot, everyone in Hollywood thinks you're trying to emulate it even if you got there first... You just didn't get made first.

Great example: David Koepp